Dear Chica, Why don’t you feature stuff about Ateneo, CRC, and Lasalle? - Christian Santos via email.

Chica - Sure pare. We will try pare but you know pare, our website pare isn’t really school oriented pare. Understand pare? Ok pare. Lets smoke pare.

Dear Chica, My boyfriend and I are thinking of “going all the way” but he doesn’t know that I’m a guy. How should I break it to him or should I tell him at all? - Backstreetboy via text

Chica - No don’t tell him! Let him find out the hard way!!!! That’s what he gets for being stupid. I wanna see if you look like a girl, got a pict? Hehehe

Dear Chica, Are you serious? My friend told me that I can’t get pregnant if I jump up and down before sex. True? - Anonymous via text

Chica - Hell yeah we are serious! BTW, why did you ring my phone and hang up? Anyway, I’ll answer your question. Yes, you can get pregnant even if you jump up and down before sex unless you fall and break your neck. Hello, how old are you? 12??!!

PUTANG INA MO!!!! - Anonymous via text

Chica - Wow! You remembered the website. Don’t forget the .com. We love you.

Dear Chica, Can you please feature young Pinoy and Pinay stars like Jolina, Judy Ann, and Wowie? Thanks - Jennifer via text and email

Chica - We will feature them when Erap grows intelligence, when traffic is banished on Edsa, when senators stop dying their hair, when policemen are in shape, when SM sales ladies stop wearing pink and purple lipstick, when taxi drivers stop ripping you off, when local TV shows stop putting down darker brethren, and when it snows in Manila. Please let us know when these things occur so that we can feature Jolina and crew ASAP. (Actually we are trying to interview these teenybopper stars but I don’t think they would do an interview with Putanginamo.com! I also don’t think they would answer questions like “Are you gay?”, or Jolina: “Have you ever made out with a guy?”)